Curried goat

Reflections from Rajasthan - 10 surprises visiting India

Brought to you from the Thar desert

1 friendly. People are almost uniformly friendly, waving, saying hello, how are you, where are you from and wanting pictures taken with us. Even when you say you’re from England there’s no resentment of the colonial past. “Well we gave them the railways” said one of our party by way of explanation, as if Josef Fritzl’s daughter called it even because he did such a good job on that bathroom he put in for her in the basement.

Indian cities are teeming with people but they all seem to rub along. We’ve never seen a fight or argument. Even the constant beeping of horns on the road is by way of warning rather than rebuke as it tends to be in the uk. The residents of East Hampshire are seized with uncontrollable rage if they are delayed for several seconds behind a bicycle - let’s see how they cope in this.

There are no police or soldiers except for the soldier with the stick chasing away begging children at Agra station, and even that seemed more of a game for the kids than anything more sinister. Laid back isn’t exactly the word to describe India, rather the contrary. Peaceable, maybe.

2 Food. The Goat eats curry twice a day in the UK so was excited at the prospect of increasing it to three times. But some friends who are equally spice-addicted (in the old fashioned sense) complained the food wasn’t hot enough for them here. I needn’t have worried. It’s hot and amazing almost everywhere. They are mostly vegetarian in Rajasthan (and meat dishes are to be treated with some suspicion) and some of the simplest curries are the tastiest. Potato, paneer, okra, dhal. Pickles and sauces for added heat if needed.

But there can be a price to pay. At the time of writing half the group including me are confined to plain nan, french fries and cheese sandwiches. It was that fish in Bikaner that did for me.

3 Religious. Rajasthan is predominantly Hindu with a Muslim minority. I like hearing the five times daily calls to prayer from the muezzin except the 4am one - it reminds me I’m on holiday (or Ilford). Unlike the more prescriptive Islam, Hinduism according to our guide Avdesh is a way of life and is permissive - worship when you can. There are no infidels - all are welcome.

We celebrated Diwali with an Indian family and each offered tributes to the little deities at the shrine, sprinkling turmeric, red food dye and “flour” on them under the instruction of the slightly sour mother on my left. “No! Flower!” she said irritably as I dithered looking for the flour in the various pots. I apologetically showered the small idols with a few marigold petals but was not forgiven - received microscopic portions from her of dal, okra and potato curry at the “feast” later on. I had flashbacks to mean old Mrs Snail the dinner lady at my primary school who hated me and always short-changed me on the pudding portions.

Hinduism may be permissive but women are modestly dressed, most covering their hair. Females in our group have to cover bare legs and shoulders in temples and in town. Surprisingly some local girls cover their hair and legs but then leave significant expanses of midriff bare, so others pointed out to me.

4.Male. it’s a male-dominated society. Women are mainly tucked away indoors or labouring in the fields. Only one of our hotels has had any female employees at all. 99.9% of drivers are male. Very occasionally you’ll see a woman piloting a motorbike but usually they are on the back sidesaddle in their saris, perhaps with one or two children sandwiched in between.

Avdesh tells us 95% of Hindu marriages are arranged, though these days the bride and groom get to see photos first and can say no (or try to, if they are brave enough to disrespect their father’s wishes) after a five minute private meeting. Very Jane Austen. Also, unlike Jane Austen, marriages will only proceed if the horoscopes are a match, as determined by the priest, who also fixes a propitious wedding date. Anyone with a bad Mars in their horoscope is more or less buggered, able only to choose a partner with a similar affliction.

5.Poverty - Mrs Goat, or Ali-ji as she is called here, was concerned that we’d be accosted by starving under-limbed children everywhere. I was shocked to see that some ghouls organise “poverty tours”. Fortunately it has not been an issue. We have occasionally been besieged by indigent minors, but we are told not to give anything.

Avdesh says everyone can get food if they need and that some women with babies deliberately paint their faces to look terrible. Whether that’s right or not most people are undeniably non-affluent. They look weary - hard-bitten, tough lives they must have. Virtually no one is overweight (apart from us).

6.Traffic. I guessed it would be pretty hectic, but nothing like this. A permanent wacky races of tuk tuks, motorbikes, cars, buses, rickshaws and cycles. There are no lanes, just vehicles constantly beeping, bobbing, weaving and jockeying.

Collisions seem inevitable on every journey but we haven’t seen one yet, just the aftermath of a few. Near collisions occur every 20 seconds or so. Tuk tuk rides are exhilarating if you can trick yourself into believing you are in a video game rather than in reality with a drastically increased risk of life-changing injuries or death. Walking is no safer.

Pavements are taken up with pop-up shops and parked motorbikes, so usually you are walking on poorly paved roads dodging out the way of motorbikes and tuk tuks every few seconds. We can only cross the road in cities with Avdesh’s help, like a crocodile of primary school kids with their teacher.

7.Wildlife. Cows on the highway outnumber women drivers at least 10 to one. Vehicles manoeuvre round them like any other slow road users. They’d close the road in the uk. There are wild monkeys too - treat them like an aggressive group of men on the train - don’t make eye contact. And lots of dogs, well-fed and well -behaved. Hindus feed them because they want everything to have an equal chance of life, says Avdesh.

Our scheduled wildlife trips have met with limited success. The leopard safari in Jaipur started well - watching two nervous antelopes, a leopard supposedly closing in. But we never saw it. Then a chatter among the drivers and we screamed off up the road in time to see Rana, the largest male leopard, loping along in the undergrowth. That was the high point. We watched a few watering holes without success before our driver took off on a long seemingly aimless tour around the reserve. Stumped for ideas, he drove up high to show us a good view of Jaipur, then drove off the road to show us the foul smelling remains of a dead antelope. Ultimately he was reduced to pointing out squirrels.

Today’s bird sanctuary was virtually deserted, the birds frightened off by all the Diwali firecrackers. And the less said about that camel sanctuary yesterday the better.

8.Entrepreneurs. So many men are out there trying to scratch a living as self-employed traders. Thousands of tuk tuk and rickshaw drivers quoting lamentably low prices - £2.50 for a 30 minute 10 mile ride through Delhi. There’s massive oversupply and you have to feel sorry for them.

Sales techniques can be aggressive. At Jaipur fort hundreds of men were selling incongruous items - plastic parasols, recorders, wooden boxes that bonged when you hit them. 10 for 10 they shouted. Has any tourist ever bought ten plastic parasols in one transaction, no matter how cheap they are? Presumably yes or there would not be hundreds of men out there trying to sell them. I felt sorry for them too. I was there once, selling unpopular items - wooden postcards and room temperature soft drinks.

For employees a good tip can double their daily pay and unsurprisingly workers make it clear they are keen on them, with the resultant stress that puts on the kindly and unworldly tourist. One benefit of this guided tour is that we have paid Avdesh a cash sum upfront and he then takes care of all the tips. You just have to utter the magic words “group tipping”. Honestly it’s worth having Advesh for this feature alone, though without him I would be in an Indian hospital now, mown down in Delhi or suffering from dysentery after an imprudent street food purchase.

9 Forts and temples.We’ve seen some amazing attractions, usually built over long periods by ancient Indian princes and moguls. Sometimes these are elaborate tombs and memorials for family members eg Humayan’s tomb in Delhi and the Taj Mahal in Agra. Special mention for Bikaner fort if you travel 200 miles west of Jaipur. Mercifully Avdesh has spaced out these trips well to avoid us being “templed out”, the fate of many an Asian traveller.

10.Health and safety hasn’t made it out here yet. Air quality is very poor especially in Delhi - you can’t take deep breaths - but people have so far posed no threat at all except when in charge of vehicles or fireworks. They sometimes stare at you but in a non-threatening way, like when we saw Noel Gallagher in the Waitrose at Petersfield. Although one person did try to pickpocket us at Delhi railway station and one of us had his nipples squeezed by a ladyboy at a traffic lights.

The Diwali fireworks with our Indian family hosts involved small children lighting fireworks and going back to them when they didn’t work. It was like watching a live public information film from the 1970s. Horizontal catherine wheels skidded towards your feet, the mother smirking maliciously as I leapt back in alarm, then we were handed supercharged sparklers like Roman Candles on sticks. But Ganesh protected us.

The Goat is travelling on a premium guided tour with Intrepid, an Australian tour company, with Mrs Goat and eight friends from our town/nearby village in Hampshire.

Intrepid have not discounted the Goat’s holiday in exchange for this article and may try and charge him more if they get to read it. But it’s been excellent so far well done Avdesh and Intrepid.